Go After What You Want, It Just Might Want You Back
22 years ago today, was supposed to be the last time I saw my husband, Christopher. We had been in acting class together for 2 ½ years and after our showcase on the night of Aug 4, he was going to be moving on.
I was determined to deliver a life-changing message to him that night at the after-party at Dimples in Burbank(RIP Dimples).
Flashback to the very first day I laid on eyes on Christopher. We didn’t meet or even speak to each other, but as I sat next to him, I felt my heart leave my body and move toward him (there’s no other way to describe it).
I went home, having not said a word to him, and told a friend “Some guy just joined my class and I have to say this out loud so I have proof...something amazing is going to happen between us.”
We soon met, chatted briefly, and...nothing.
He seemed totally uninterested and everything he shared about himself and his background, seemed completely incompatible with me. That same week, I had a date with someone who was PERFECT for me on paper, who was 100% all-in and ready to move to Los Angeles to pursue the possibility of a relationship with me. Having previously pined for someone, I had made a commitment that I choose to love people that love me back. So that was that.
Except...I still had a crush on this boy in class. At times I could ignore, dismiss, or rationalize it as just a good friendship. When my crush flared up, I would look for flaws to extinguish the spark. No luck. The crush endured.
About a year and a half into our time as classmates I became engaged. Sometime later, Christopher shared that the first time he met my boyfriend, he had hoped he was my brother.
WHAAAAAT???? He liked me? At some point, he had liked me????
That day I decided that Christopher MUST be given this message: “Go after the things you want, they just might want you back." But I was too nervous to say it. So I waited for the right moment.
Flash forward to the night of our showcase. This was it. The perfect (and final) opportunity to tell him this SUPER important life lesson that would help him live the life that he deserved.
And that is exactly what I was planning to say that night. But what actually came out of my mouth that night at the Kareoke bar was, “So you know I have a dangerous crush on you, right?"
His response, a wide-eyed “No, no...no”
Just then, Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra came on and we swayed next to each other until the final words of the song when we looked into each other’s eyes and said along with Frank, “In other words…..I….Love….You.”
The next day was supposed to have been my first couple’s therapy appointment with my fiance. On the way to the appointment, I told him I didn’t want to get married.
And thus this date has stood forevermore as - The day I dropped THE BOMB AKA our Bomb-iversary.
Our relationship wasn’t easy at first. We took 4 ½ years (and 2 breakups) to sort out our differences, discover how to best communicate with each other, support ourselves AND the relationship. But when we got married, we knew we had it.
I still have a mad crush on my husband. One reason is we are REALLY good at encouraging each other to go after what we want.
Today, my wish for you is that you do the thing that I did (even though I didn’t say it). Go after the things you want, they just might want you back.